So I am not watching the inauguration, for what it’s worth. That’s something to think about, what it’s worth.
Is it worth it to me to live with a sick feeling in my stomach, to live in fear and hatred? No. I won’t even name it, because attaching a name gives it power.
Years ago, when I was first getting clean, I heard a woman talk about her sudden ex-boyfriend, and was exasperated that she was giving him her “power.” It was a new concept for me, and I was going through a divorce at the time so I identified with her sudden sense of betrayal (she’d discovered he’d been cheating on her) and I too wished I could let go of thinking about how I’d been betrayed for every waking moment.
I took her statement to heart and realized there was nothing I could do about my situation, only about what my thoughts and feelings about it were.
It took some time, and a lot of crying and whining and feeling sorry for myself, but I got there. I took my power and spirit back. And I vowed to keep it.
So today, despite however vile and despicable the utterances of the said unnamed person I will not let it poison my heart. I will go on with my life and continue to be true to myself, and not let the pain fester in my heart.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt once famously said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
While true as a concept, it is hard to separate the actual visceral fear I feel when a part of me is threatened. I can understand how undocumented immigrants; women in need of Planned Parenthood and Muslims must feel at the moment.
I myself fear what will happen to my social security now that I am close to the right age to benefit from the years of working and paying into it.
But what ever happens I will persevere, I will keep my perspective and take whatever steps there are in my power to take, and I will not let it turn me into an angry, emotionally crippled bowl of jelly.
I will march, write letters, make phone calls, express solidarity.
But I am done with name calling, hatred and disparaging.
The only way to get through anything in the end is through dialogue, and I have to be the bigger guy, because if I revert to ridicule and name calling I become just like the man whose entire grip on self-esteem is based on the ridicule and disparagement of those who don’t agree with him.
I won’t let it bring me down. You know the rest.